They’re Killing the Autistics


This evening I heard the news of yet another autistic adult who has taken their own life as a result of denial of services. Which was avoidable and preventable. Let’s not make no bones about it, this was manslaughter. Britain is in the grip of fascism, and like Hitler’s fascists, the British fascists in government have begun killing the disabled. No gas chambers in modern times, that wouldn’t look too good on the front pages of the newspapers. At least, not on the ones the fascists don’t control. Thank God for social media, which is the one thing that hasn’t yet been controlled and censored. At least we still have a voice on Twitter & Facebook.

Ian Taylor was 54. Two years younger than me. Like many autistic people he loved his dog, like me. Ian was socially isolated and had no friends, like me. Ian tried to get help after discovering he was autistic. I too discovered I was autistic. With the help of a private therapist, who I fund through my Disability Living Allowance, I had the space to discover who I was after a lifetime of abuse and neglect and confusion and loneliness. It took 8 years of courageous and dedicated work on my part. I am autistic.

I am currently in the process of making a complaint against Leicestershire NHS Trust, because although I passed my screening for autism, since that day I have been ignored. My emails have not been answered, my therapist has not been consulted by the autism service at Leicester General hospital, and I have had no support from social services. The same social services who bullied me so much, that I stopped the pathetic amount of “support” that was on offer. Support which amounted to a zero hours worker with no experience in autism, coming to my town where I lived, and drinking tea. We had no milage or petrol costs to travel anywhere. I couldn’t suffer abuse for such a ridiculous and farcical support service.

Autistic adults in Britain are being killed, driven to suicide, by a hidden and fatal killer. Withdrawal of social services. It is deliberate, calculated, intentional. We are isolated, depressed, unable to access the company that would save us. We are disabled by our autism, and we can’t access society in such a way that would enable us to live a life of hope and of meaning. This is a crime against humanity and it must not be ignored.
I ask all autistic people to take up the banner of autistics rights, and those good hearted neurotypical supporters, and take our cause to social media. Form an autistic movement that is powerful and supportive. Create networks that support each other. We are being lead to our deaths, we have nothing to lose.


Fascism 2017

It is December 6th 2017. I’m so tired I can’t keep my eyes open.

Monday has caught up with me. That was when a NHS psychiatrist and 2 CPNs came to my home and attempted to classify me. The British government had already targeted me. I have been categorised as a “useless eater”. This is a term used by the Nazis during the reign of Hitler and his Fascists. It refers to anyone who doesn’t “contribute”. Doesn’t work. The term useless eater isn’t used today. Instead the government are eradicating any reference to disability. Something called “Universal Credit” is being introduced. There will no longer be Disability Living Allowance.¬†Disability Benefit has long gone, replaced by “Employment Support Allowance”. Long ago there was such a thing as “social security”. All gone.


In my front room I sat facing a psychiatrist who has managed to fail people for decades. Speak to anyone who has had dealings with him and his name is infamous. I didn’t recognise the CPNs. I rarely have anything to do with the NHS mental health services. They have always been drug pushers. 30 years ago you might have had some service take an interest in you. You may have been able to catch your breath and see a CPN, had those precious moments when a human being did show some compassion. Not even that today. I was experiencing the austerity form of mental health care. This psychiatrist had come to carry out a unwritten NHS policy. That of discounting and ignoring autism, and pushing ADHD. The only hint we have had of this appeared around about a year ago when a NHS trust suggested it might stop diagnosing children who presented as autistic. That was something that the NHS didn’t want coming out. But the autistic community are tenacious. They noticed.

I don’t want to get bogged down with the details of this assault that happened to me by people who masquerade as health professionals. I am writing as a record. As Anne Frank wrote when fascism last walked the streets of Europe. I am recording because I cannot do anything else. In Britain today there does not exist a mental health service, unless you are prepared to admit to a condition the NHS chooses for you, and that will make it and big pharmaceutical companies, money. Although money isn’t the terrifying part of this. What is terrifying is that ADHD carries with it the suggested symptom of being unpredictable, angry, volatile. These are characteristics that a fascist government, supported by the white shirts within the NHS, can and will use to take away our freedoms. We will no longer have a right to be angry at injustice done to us. Our anger will be used as a weapon against us.

Autistic people are under attack. As autism is not curable, has no drug that can be thrown at it, and has a fairly good image within general society (at least in childhood), it threatens the fascist authorities who are eradicating the useless eaters. In their account books autism is a big red mark. It can’t be allowed.

With the NHS and Social Care riddled with psychopaths in white coats, we useless eaters look elsewhere for sustenance. We look to charities. We look to our fellow citizens. Here too fascism lurks. It is everywhere, as it was in 1930 Germany.
Last week a NHS GP, one of the better ones, showed me on her computer screen a list of charities that were supposed to help children who experienced mental distress. She said not one of them did anything helpful. I had gone for a blood test, but the nurse noticed I was depressed and got me in to see the GP. I was in there for an hour. Something unheard of today, where you get 5 minutes with a doctor. I was shown this list of charities because the GP couldn’t give me any help. And she was telling me that charities exist today only to feed their executives and staff. They are signposters. To more signposts. That lead nowhere. They are simply businesses and the people who need their help exist only to make them money. These charities took money from the government when the government slashed and eradicated mental health care. They took money because it was a sweetheart deal. They would be allowed to exist if they played their part in slowly destroying the useless eaters.

And so, the final port of call. Our fellow citizens. Well we should not be surprised. Hitler was able to eradicate the useless eaters of 1930 Germany because ordinary people turned a blind eye. Today people, especially the middle-class, are turning their blind eye to the suffering of the working class, the disabled, the mentally ill. They will often pretend to be on our side, and this shows itself in political parties such as the Green Party and churches etc but when you encounter these bodies you soon realise that it is just a different blind eye in a forest of blind eyes. Like charities they offer no compassion, which is practical kindness. They exist to stroke the ego of the people running them. Just another cog in the machine. Our fellow citizens are turning their backs on the most vulnerable and enabling fascism in Britain 2017. All that is left for me to do is to record it. And so I will.


I have had a hard time. It probably began when my dog, Dante, died, and I stopped my “support”. Which wasn’t, in the least, supportive. I did get my allotment and that has helped me tremendously, but when you are struggling you haven’t the executive functioning to even cycle to the allotment. However the allotment is doing OK and today I planted some fruit trees and some narcissus bulbs that came free with the trees. So yes, despite being close to breakdown I have hung on, and I did something else. I rescued Annie. I nearly didn’t get Annie. I tried two dogs before her, and there was another greyhound up for rescue at the same time as her. A black one, and I thought I wanted a black dog. Fate didn’t listen though and I, by chance, heard about Annie from someone who was enquiring if I could prune her trees. It happened that this person knew someone who walked retired greyhounds, and they knew of one who was cat friendly. Annie.

The greyhound racing industry is a cruel and abusive business. It takes dogs and uses them to bet on. The dogs go from kennel to track 3 times a week, and see nothing else. Annie came to me broken and wouldn’t even look me in the eye. She was afraid of everything and didn’t experience any joy. She didn’t know how to play or relax. She had been trained only to react to a mechanical hare, and nothing more.

Greyhounds are probably the most gentle dog in existence. They like to sleep and pinch food. They aren’t aggressive or destructive and are good in the home. They require little walking and molt very little. I would say that the greyhound is the perfect dog for me, although I also love Staffordshire Bull Terriers. Both breeds are gentle souls, but very different. A greyhound is rather like a horse at times. They really are unlike any other dog. I can’t believe I haven’t had one until now. I will be rescuing another when Annie has settled in and is feeling less worried about the world. That won’t be yet.
Annie had a infection from her spay operation 3 weeks after it had been carried out. I was worried I was going to lose her before I had got to know her, but I didn’t and I think I worried unnecessarily, however it opened my heart to her and I fell in love with my beautiful Annie very quickly. I didn’t think I would after I lost Dante, but I have always been blessed with the most incredible animals.

So what else? My cat is sick, he has to have a scan. He is 17. Please say a prayer for him. He is old and there is a chance he has kidney issues. Or he could make a full recovery. I have had Jinx since birth. He has been with me through a divorce, 10 years of my being bullied at work, losing my house, job. The several house moves as I tried to find somewhere safe to live. I will be sad if he dies.
Jinx likes Annie, and Annie is fascinated by Jinx, although she is scared of him too. DSCF1653


The text books and psychotherapists tell us that we are “needy” if we can’t settle ourselves. If we feel stressed, lonely, agitated, we must, as responsible adults, settle ourselves. So I have lived all of my life feeling ashamed for needing a lot of stimulation in order to feel settled, and when I’ve found myself isolated and lonely I’ve felt ashamed even then for not being able to settle myself. To save myself from a breakdown or suicide I would go for a bike ride, or walk my dog, but these only saved me from annihilation, they did not help me to feel good, they did not settle me and make me happy. To feel settled and happy I need people, several people sometimes, and I need interesting and exciting conversations with them, or I need to go somewhere with them. Sometimes I want sex with them. I want to feel stimulated and excited and happy, and this makes me more able to settle myself and to stop my anxiety.

Imagine the relief I felt, when I discovered from talking to another autistic adult recently, when they explained that they too need stimulation like me, and that they too felt ashamed in the past for this, and that finding out that this is normal for autistic people was a life changing time in their life. Yes, I feel relieved, and I have been doing research, and I’ve found that those bloody sensory rooms for kids are all about this! All the time I’ve felt ashamed they’ve been providing sensory rooms like they were a McDonald’s.

So I am a changed person again. I am not going to feel ashamed for needing attention, stimulation, company, sex. This life is my sensory room!